


My last heartbeat will always be you.

by imabubblegum



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Parenthood, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:20:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29634537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imabubblegum/pseuds/imabubblegum
Summary: Someone please hold me, I’m exhausted from this worldSomeone please wipe me, I’m drenched with tearsSomeone please notice my struggles firstPlease acknowledge the poor mePlease help meThe unfinished lyrics that he's been working on for about a year now, Changkyun has a different approach when he is depressed, he writes whichever he has on his head, collates it, puts melody on it and gives birth to a new song. His loneliness is eating him again, he needs to be saved, he cannot let sad thoughts linger in his head, he might lose it again.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is 100% fan fiction. 
> 
> Depression is a serious condition that negatively affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. In contrast to normal sadness, clinical depression is persistent, often interferes with a person’s ability to experience or anticipate pleasure, and significantly interferes with functioning in daily life.
> 
> I'll be using as reference few songs that I really love from other artists. 
> 
> If this story will offend you, my apologies in advance.

Clinical depression is a serious condition that negatively affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. In contrast to normal sadness, clinical depression is persistent, often interferes with a person’s ability to experience or anticipate pleasure, and significantly interferes with functioning in daily life. Untreated, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years; and if inadequately treated, depression can lead to significant impairment, other health-related issues, and in rare cases, suicide.

Yes, Monsta X maknae is suffering from depression, it started when his former group Nubility disbanded due to budget issues, right after he left his old dorm he got a call from Starship asking him to join their newest reality show "No Mercy". All the trainees look at him with hatred when he announces himself while the group is having its meal, no one wants to talk to him he was avoided like he has a plague, during the contest his ability and skills are being tested, his rap, singing, dancing and even his face. 

On the last day of the program he was announced as the sixth member of "Monsta X", they debuted with the song called "Trespass" and the rest is history. 

Year 2025. 10 years after Monsta X debut. They will be having their most awaited comeback, they went on hiatus for almost 3 years to finished their mandatory services, Shownu, Wonho and Minhyuk enlisted on December 2021, while Kihyun, Hyunwon and Jooheon enlisted on June 2022, the only active member of Monsta X that is promoting is Changkyun, being born in Boston USA he is technically a US citizen. While his hyungs were away he busied himself in writing songs, producing OST, and he released some solo music as well. 

Being the only active member promoting is too difficult for him, no one is with him when he needs a cuddle, no Kihyun hyung that cooks ramen for him in the middle of the night, no Honey hyung who tuck him in bed and kiss him goodnight, no Wonho and Shownu hyung that motivate him to work out, no Minhyuk hyung who paints his nail and bag no Hyunwon hyung that drive him every time he needs one. 

The Monbebe always makes sure that he is not alone, they always send him love messages, support whichever project he had, spend holidays with him even via online. But he still feels alone, empty and sad. Monsta X is the new hailed King of Kpop, being number 1 in every chart, selling 3 millions copies of pre-order every time they have a comeback, they did have any rest at all, they are invited in every reality show in Korea and USA, booked photo shoot schedule with every luxury brand available in the market, from suits, bags, shoes, wine and car. Being a guest of honor in every runway show during fashion week. 

Being the only active member promoting is too difficult for him, sometimes he flies from Korea to Japan to Korea in one day, he spends 1 week in the USA, then another week in the UK. His parents are too worried for his health, the 4 hours in a day is the longest sleep he can have. But the worst part of being too famous, the paparazzi. He was being followed everywhere, Starship even hired 4 body guards for him to ensure his safety, they even bought a residence for Monsta X in UN Village to make sure no paparazzi can interfere for their private life. 

UN Village, is the most expensive village in Korea, second in Asia. Monsta X have their own mansion inside the village, a 7 bedroom house with 4 large bathrooms is a must. 

February 15, 2025. 

All the boys were practicing for their upcoming comeback, the title track of their new song is "All About Love" it's a song that IM wrote while dealing with his own demon while his brothers were away. This comeback is different, they will not dance, no powerful choreography, no heavy makeup, they will all sing, no main vocal, no main rapper, no main dancer. 

Being a 10 years old idol group is a great achievement, most rookies group look up to them as their role model, Jooheon were always a judge in any singing reality show you can watch on TV, while Shownu is the new king of the jungle, when host Kim Byung-man retire he insists that no one can do it aside from Shownu. Wonho is a producer and co-owner of Highline Entertainment, he trains new idol wannabe using the experience he had since No Mercy. Minhyuk is the new face of the media, he is a variety show host and a talk show host, he is a radio DJ as well. Hyungwon dominates Korean drama, from his back to back drama and movie projects. And then, Kihyun aside from being hailed as the most powerful main vocalists of Kpop, he is also a renowned theater actor who plays locally and internationally. 

They indeed are living their greatest dream, but Changkyun is still unhappy, despite in 2 weeks they will be releasing a new album, despite in 2 weeks that Monsta X will be performing as a whole group again, despite that he is still unhappy. He felt lost, unsecured. Jooheon, his best buddy, the member who loves to spoil him, notices the disconnect in his attitude but chooses to let it go, he might be stressed. 

"I told you, I love you right? bye.. I will call you once we are done" Kihyun ended his phone conversation with his non showbiz girlfriend. "Are you still dating her?" the maknae asked. "Yes," he replied. The sole reason why Changkyun is unhappy because Kihyun is happy. His hyung is happy and he will never be the reason why. 

"Alright, I'll give the floor to Changkyun to discuss the track that will be included on your newest album" 

We will be having 6 songs, like what you already know for our 10th year anniversary we will be having Act 1 and Act 2. The first Act will be all the songs I wrote and produced, while the next Act we will be using Honey hyung's songs. The name of our newest album is "All About love" it has 6 songs that yeah... about er, love. Here are the songs: 

1\. Happy without me.  
2\. Someone's Someone.  
3\. Flower-ed.  
4\. Love Poem  
5\. Lets not fall in love.  
6\. If you love her. 

"Who hurt my favorite baby?" Minhyuk asked. Why are all songs sad, did you get rejected?. "Yes" the maknae shot replied. 

Now I'll be playing the killer part of all songs, and then the rough version will be sent to you, it's already color coded. You will know your lines, no worries I make sure that we all have the same number and length of line distribution. 

1\. Happy without me.

I know I told you we could still be friends  
But I see pictures of you smiling  
And I hate to see you happy without me

2\. Someone's Someone.

So completely perfect  
Perfect with no reasons  
Reasons are for people you meant to lose  
Someone full of secrets  
Secrets in the shadows  
Shadows with excuses breaking through

3\. Flower-ed. 

The hand that held me, the eyes that captured me are all blind  
The scattered hands, the shining eyes are gone.

4\. Love Poem. 

I'll be there, behind you when you walk alone  
Singing till the end, this song that won't end  
Open your ears for just a moment  
I'll sing for you, who is walking through an especially long night

5\. Lets not fall in love. 

Let's not fall in love, we don't know each other very well yet  
Actually, I'm a little scared,  
I'm sorry  
Let's not make promises, you never know when tomorrow comes  
But I really mean it when I say  
I like you

6\. If you love her

You’re so pretty, it hurts, you’re so lovable  
These feelings make me feel smaller  
You became someone I cannot love  
But you’re looking at me and smiling  
If you love her  
If you want her  
More beautiful than flowers  
You have to love her more

Now, you heard all the killing parts, can you please choose one song that you wish to be our title track. "But how can we pick one? if we did get to hear the whole song" Kihyun confusedly asked. "It's simple, just use the "love at first sight" theory, it will answer your thoughts, who among those killing parts hurts you the most? choose that... err that's it" Changkyun coldly responded. 

Jooheon raises his hand, I'll choose Lets not fall in love, I like the idea of you not falling in love but in reality you are already in love. He said while looking straight to Changkyun's eyes. He is the only person who knows the feelings Changkyun has with Kihyun, and he promised the younger that he will bring that secret until he is peacefully lying 6 feet under the ground. 

It was Wohno you choose next, I also like Lets not fall in love, it has a deep meaning and even though I am not romantically in love right now, I felt the pain. It's real. Shownu choose Someone's Someone, I want to have that someone who will love me for who I am. I feel like it's the real happiness we can have loving the person we love, and them loving us back. 

I'm torn between If you love her and Lets not fall in love, it was Hyungwon you know the situation I have with IU right, I feel like asking her lets not fall in love and or simply says to her You became someone I cannot love. Love is complicated especially for us celebrities, but to ask Changkyunie's question.... I'll go to Let's not fall in love.

You know guys that I'm gay right.. I just recently moved on from that stupid break-up, so I'll choose If you love her, I know there is something that I cannot provide to Jaehyung and he told me when he asked for break-up is he wanted to get married and build his own family, I am not a God to do that, so I guess I fell in love with the lyrics saying "You have to love her more". 

Finally, it's Kihyun's turn. Just like Shownu hyung, I will choose Someone's Someone. I have dated a non celebrity and you all know how much she means to me, just like everyone of you, I am confident that she will be my forever someone. 

Oh, I see. It was Changkyun. Alright since Let's not fall in love got 3 votes, she will be our title track. "How about you? you did not choose" Kihyun asked him again. "These songs are the product of my loneliness, my inner demon, my better half, my heart, you cannot ask me to choose one". He replied.

That concludes their meeting, next week they will start recording, music video shooting and soon promoting the song. Since it's a free day, Wohno asked to have a team lunch at his mom's cafe, but then again Changkyun declines saying he needs to finish the song IU is asking for. 

But, that was a lie. He finished that song last week, instead he went to his personal studio to unwind, to drink and let the pain take him again. 

Someone please hold me, I’m exhausted from this world  
Someone please wipe me, I’m drenched with tears  
Someone please notice my struggles first  
Please acknowledge the poor me  
Please help me

The unfinished lyrics that he's been working on for about a year now, Changkyun has a different approach when he is depressed, he writes whichever he has on his head, collates it, puts melody on it and gives birth to a new song. His loneliness is eating him again, he needs to be saved, he cannot let sad thoughts linger in his head, he might lose it again. 

When Kihyun announces that he is dating his high school friend, it hurts him too much. He thought Kihyun likes him, all the cuddles, caring those were fake. Be safe, and text me if I need to pick you up. They are all insincere, he likes that noona. 

I can’t forgive myself  
I can’t forgive you  
I keep making myself cry

The hurt is taking him again. And it's dangerous. 

"Honey..hyung, I miss you" he sends a message to Jooheon, without any delay Joo rans to his studio, he knows that more than anything else he needs to get Changkyun quickly. The incident a few years should never happen again, last time Changkyun was engaged to a road accident the same night Kihyun texted him that he is dating, he was crying, panic attack occurred while he was driving then he lost control, he crashed. 

"Breathe... Kyunie.. follow me, please 1..2..1..2..1..2" "Please.. I can't" 

The news was everywhere, Monsta X maknae, the superstar Im Changkyun was rushed to the Emergency Room. Starship Entertainment will be releasing an official statement any time soon. 

"Hello, this is Starship Entertainment. 

We would like to inform everyone that Monsta X maknae, Im Changkyun is now doing okay, he lost consciousness a few seconds after his other member arrived at his personal studio. 

He is suffering from dehydration and stress due to the load of work he has, and with please accept our deepest apologies, we failed to protect the welfare of our artist. Rest assured that this will never happen again in the future.

Thank you" 

"I want Honey hyung.." the youngest whines. They are all back in their house, Wohno's mom sends food for them since ordering from fast food is not good for the healing baby, while the others are seated in their spacious living room watching a drama. It was Changkyun whining inside the bath room Kihyun is trying to bathe him, no luck "I said I want Honey hyung..don't touch me" Kihyun was hurt, before it was always I want Kiki hyung...cuddle with me Ki hyung. 

Changkyun is acting a little weird since he got hospitalized, he runs towards the living room with shampoo on his hair while on his briefs. "Honey hyung... bathe me please" he said and left Kihyun hanging. 

The food arrives, Changkyun is seated between Hyungwon and Minhyuk and he has his favorite buttered lobster in front of him but no appetite to eat. "Baby.. you don't like it? what do you want..hyung will buy it for you" Minhyuk asked. "I want.. I want you to feed me" the maknae shyly replied, making the sunshine smile. 

"Where is my favorite purple pillow!... I want my pillow" He is angry, the purple pillow that he uses is a gift from a fan, it is very special since that fan died because of cancer but she managed to meet Changkyun before she finally closed her eyes. "I'm sorry Kyunie... Kara uses that when she sleeps over here last time" Kihyun said. "You let someone use my favorite pillow without my permission?!" He spats. 

I hate you! Do not touch me or my things for now on. I want to go home. But Kyunie, this is your home at its late already, I'll wash your pillow tomorrow okay? please calm down. "No... I'm going home to my dad's house" 

It was Jooheon you hugged the youngest and tried his best to calm him down.. "Hey, maknae follow me okay 1..2..1..2..1..2 breathe slowly 1..2..1..2 you're doing good" "No... I miss my daddy, I want to go home hyung, please" I'll get the car ready, Kyunie okay, Honey will go with you okay? I'll drive and maybe spend one night at your house. 

Hyungwon drove to Changkyun's parent house, and his mom was shocked to see his youngest at his door. "Mom, I want dad," he said and cries on his mother's shoulder. Hyungwon was clueless on what's happening to Changkyun, the maknae rarely cries, he is strong and independent but these past few days he noticed that he is slowly slipping off again, it's like "No Mercy" days are coming back. Unlike Hyungwon, Jooheon knows what the real deal is, but he cannot say it, he is afraid that Changkyun might lose his trust in him, he is scared of what's happening to him. 

Changkyun fell asleep cuddling his mother on their couch, the other two chose to go home to give privacy to the mother and child. 

While driving Hyungwon told Jooheon to tell them what's happening. He got an idea that Joo might know something, no buts, if it concerns the welfare of their loving maknae they need to address it before it's too late. 

At their house, Kihyun is washing the purple pillow, he can't help but to cry, the sweet Kyunie is gone, he was treated differently, he felt that Changkyun is still angry with him, since the day he rejects the boy everything changes. And he is fully aware the whole album is because of him, he loves Changkyun but not the love he is asking. 

Our love grew miserable like a withered flower  
We didn’t know how precious each other was  
Our lonely season faded

Thank you for hurting me - CK 

That was the last message he received from Changkyun, and it hurts him deep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings of anxiety.  
> Feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, or hopelessness.  
> Inappropriate guilt.  
> Thoughts of death or attempts at suicide. 
> 
> Those were the common signs of depressions, if untreated it could go wrong. It been months since Changkyun were taking his anti-depressant drugs, it should be taken daily if not anything could go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a doctor, please excuse me if I use incorrect medical terms and all.   
> It should be a 2 chapters only but I decided to add another chapter that I will post soon.

Feelings of anxiety.  
Feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, or hopelessness.  
Inappropriate guilt.  
Thoughts of death or attempts at suicide. 

Those were the common signs of depressions, if untreated it could go wrong. It been months since Changkyun were taking his anti-depressant drugs, it should be taken daily if not anything could go wrong. 

"Hey, pup wake up... dad's home" Dr. Im gently shake his sons shoulder to wake him up, Dr. Im Sin-Hyeog is the head of Department of Immunology at National Institute of Science and Technologies, he worked 24/7 usually stayed longer in his laboratory more than to his own house, but he also make sure that he was with his son in time like this, he received a message from his wife saying that the little pup was home, crying and in distress. Right after he read the text, he saved the documents he was working on in his laptop, and left his office in seconds. 

Changkyun was a miracle baby, his mom had 4 miscarriage before giving birth to him, he was born in US, they live in Israel for 3 years, Canada for 2 years until his father decided to purse his career in Korea by signing a contract with National Institute of Science and Technologies. It was hard for Changkyun to adjust in Korea, he can't speak the language very well, he doesn't know how to socialize since he is a bit introvert, his mom enrolled him to a music school to help him improve and from there he found his love for music. 

"Dad, I want to be a singer" He told his father. "Don't worry pup your old man will support you" His father answer and he mean it, he was with Changkyun side when he first try to audition and eventually became a trainee for Nubility, he was with Changkyun when he cried for hours when his group disbanded because of financial, he was with Changkyun when he got a call from Starship, he was with his son every time he needs a father to cry on. 

He is a very loving and understanding father, when Changkyun admitted that he is a gay, he just smile and hug his son, telling him its okay, he is not disappointed, he understand. He knows that his son is in love with Kihyun, he knows how he was hurt when the other guy got a girlfriend and right now his little pup is crying again in his arms. 

"Will you tell us what happened, or will you still keep it, spit the truth out before I cut you balls" Hyungwon's irritated, he is sleepy and worried. Jooheon sighed he knows he cannot keep it anymore, its too painfully to see Changkyun is slowly dying within his reach. 

The members gathered at their living room, frustrated, scared and disappointed. Frustated because they did not know what is happening, scared because the horror of No Mercy days is like a wound that left a painful scar, and disappointed because they felt like Changkyun did not trust them enough to share his burden with them. 

He...Kyunie's depressions are back and this past few years its getting worst, I promised to him that I will keep it secret, that's the only way he will take his medicines, his parents begged me to do it, for his sake, its..its painfully seeing him slowly killing himself is too painful for me, but I need to be strong, I cannot break down, I am the only one beside his parent that he trusted the most, I'm sorry. 

"What the fuck! Lee Joo Heon, I'm trying to understand you but you said it is happening for years! fucking years! and you think keeping it from us help him? fuck no! We could... I could help him" Kihyun angrily confronted the crying JooHeon. 

Do you think... I am okay? hyung! fuck no! my brother, my best friend is slowly killing himself..when I was away, during my enlistment I was praying every night, asking God if he really exist to keep Changkyun safe and sane! I was your fault by the way.. you rejected him, hyung! he loves you so much, yet you broke him into pieces, you broke him beyond repair. 

"But! I love him... Joo you know that! I love him but not in a way he wants...I'm not into guy!" Kihyun depends himself. 

Really? you're not into a guy, how about I tell you that he saw you and that fucking Suga making out oh no... you bottoming Suga is not considered as making out right. He saw that and after few days he confess his feelings to you hoping that he have a chance since he thinks you're gay too, but at that fucking moment you left him hanging, you ignored him and what you just texted him your dating a girl? what the fuck is that? that fucking accident... he almost died because of you. 

"Oh my god! that was.. gosh! it was a one night... gosh fuck! I'm sorry...you..you're telling me that the accident I was the reason that happened? fuck! I'm sorry" Kihyun break down crying, he keep on saying sorry, he was a messed, Wonho hugs him to calm him down, Jooheon is crying in Minhyuk arms, while Hyungwon remains silent but has a pained expression. 

Tomorrow, when he comes home no one will treat him differently, no one will mentioned we all know his condition even with the management, based on I understand he did not trust us except Honey, we will gain his trust again and we will help him. Shownu said, he been silent the entire time, calm but inside he is very sacred he might not have the best relationship with Changkyun but as the father of the group he knows he need to do something. 

"I don't know what will happen to me if I lose him" It was the last words Joo said before sleep conquered him. "We will not lose him" Hyungwon said and went upstairs he welcomed himself to Changkyun's bed and force himself to sleep. 

"hey.. little pup, wake up breakfast is ready" his mother softly wake him up, he slept with parent that night, hugging him mom while his dad back hugs him it was they regular thing, whenever he is home he always sleep with his parent, because why not he is a baby. 

His mom cooked bacon, spam, fried rice and corn soup its his favorite, his dad prepares his fresh orange juice and slice a mocha cake for his dessert. His dad took a day off that day, they spent the entire day watching movies, cuddling, eating. At dinner they ate at Changkyun favorite sushi restaurant, they also visit his favorite Gucci store and he bought a new pair Gucci sneakers and jacket. 

It was already 10 PM when he arrived at the house where he and his members are living, his parent bid their goodbye and thank them for taking care of their little pup. 

As always Jooheon tuck him in bed and kiss him goodnight, it was a tiring day he says to the older rapper but I was happy hyung, dad buys me the sneakers I like, and we watched movies, I.. slept again in their bed hugging both of them, hyung I am happy. "I'm happy too, but I was kinda lonely last night I did not kiss you goodnight, anyways sleep well Kyunie... hyung loves you too" "Please..don't turn off the lights I'm scared...can you, can you ask Kihyun hyung..to to..sleep here, I'm...scared" The dimpled rapper smiled and nodded. 

Kihyun silently entered his room, he did not know what to do? will he just stand, should he sit? its been a couple of minutes he was just there staring at him "Can you sing me to sleep...Ki..Kihyun hyung" 

Like the words written in the sand  
Where the waves are  
I’m afraid you’ll disappear  
So I always miss you  
I can’t take out  
All the things written in my diary  
But this means that I love you

Tonight, I’ll send you the firefly from that day  
To your window  
I hope you have sweet dreams

Kihyun sung IU's Through the Night it was Changkyun's favorite, he loves the way his hyung sung every words in that song, he felt love, there's single tear in his eyes, his mouth is slightly open. He missed this moments, before Changkyun is like a little koala in him, he always on his side, when he is cooking, doing the dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping in any aspect of his daily loves, fans often called them "Changki" it was their ship name, he likes it, God he knows he loves Changkyun but he cannot return the love he wants, the one time thing happen between him and Suga is a misunderstanding, yes he admit he fucked him, he was a teased and he's horny but that does not conclude that he is into a guy. 

He loves Kara, actually he has a plan to ask the girl to marry him since the Monebe already knows they are dating and they are supportive with his love life, they supported them in the best way they can, but in this situation he cannot do that, he can't break him again, he needs him, and they need him. 

A week after everything come back to normal, Changkyun became the playful maknae again, his back using his "I'm a baby" card to get what he wants, Kihyun was happy that his relationship with him is getting back to normal, it was slow but a small improvemnt is still an improvement right? 

They finished their recording and MV shooting in a blink of an eye, they dropped their latest tittle track "Lets not fall in love" it got millions views in Youtube in few minutes it was released, top the Melon chart, 4 million of album purchased, multiple win in every music show, in short their comeback was indeed legendary. 

A month after comeback Changkyun told them he is in medication for his depressions, he also told them that I is sorry for lying and promised them he will gets better, for them, for the Monbebe and for his parent. He knows his parent is trying their best to be strong, as well as them his member. He allows Minhyuk to have the copy of his treatment schedules and medicines, he allow them to kiss him goodnight again, Hyungwon allows him to drive again, but with supervisions, Wonho and Shownu became his new make up bed, whenever he is lazy or scared to sleep in his room he usually sleep with them, he makes up with Jooheon too he knows that the older rapper suffered the most during his breakdown, but he assured him that it was nothing. And, he let Kihyun to touch his things again. 

IU and IM was in there studio, they purchased a studio and plans to start their own recording label, their started to became friends since IU and his Hyungwon hyung have a very complicated I'm-not-his/her-boyfriend/girlfriend kinda relationship. They currently working on a song for Girl Generation's anniversary song, IU wrote the lyrics while makes the beat and melody, while IM is in the bathroom, she accidentally read the lyrics written in Changkyun's purple notebook. 

A poet without romance, like a corpse  
Looking forward to an obscure reward  
Even if I avoid pain, I run into a different pain  
I couldn't see the happiness that was next to me  
After I let you go  
You don't know how much I regretted  
Even at this moment  
I'm losing so much

I want to love but  
Nobody wants to deal with the pain that follows

I don't want to sadly wait  
Today will become yesterday  
Starting over again is so hard  
Because things will come to an end again

She knows Changkyun's condition, and based on what she read the guy is not healing at all, he is getting worst. That's the curse of depression it can masked your true feelings, he looks happy outside but his thoughts slowly killing him inside, she texted Hyungwon and told the tall sleepy head what she saw, in few minutes she got a reply asking her to look out for the kid for a meantime since he still in photo shot. 

She asked the rapper to buy her a dinner since she is hungry, it just her way to make Changkyun leave the studio, they ate in a barbecue restaurant, they laughing at some funny meme Minhyuk send him, they are happy until Kara showed in front of them, welcoming herself and take a seat in front of Changkyun. 

"Hello! How are you Kyunine? are you taking your meds in time?" the girl bitchy tone makes IU's flustered, she look at Changkyun, the boy is shaking trying to calm himself, she holds her friend hand and assured him with a smile, IU faced the girl, bow at her and smile "I don't know you personally, I don't want to make some incident here, please leave your are invading our privacy". 

"Why? are you dating that gay? I thought you and Hyungwon have a thing?" she spats. "I don't usually curse, please just go, or do you want me to call my bodyguard to forcefully dragged you away from here.. leave!" she replied. "You fucking gay! you are the reason as why Kihyun decided to postponed our wedding, you fucking faggot!" 

Kara was dragged away from the restaurant by IU's bodyguard, she calming the crying rapper in her arms " Kyunie.. 1..2..1..2..1..2 please, hey look at noona, I will protect you okay? that bitch is crazy..look at noona please" but no luck, he is trembling, he lose his focus, he kept on saying "faggot" "gay" "wedding" he is losing his sanity again, IU's calling Hyungwon but she's not answering, she dialed Jooheon number but it unattended as well. 

She asked his bodyguard to carry Changkyun and instructed him to drive to their house, he needs to rest, bringing him to hospital will not be a good idea, she let his manager deal with the mess Kara made at the diners. When they arrived home, a worried Kihyun rans to them but Changkyun pushed him again "I want my Jooheon hyung... noona, I want my Jooheon hyung" and cries in IU's embrace. 

After a few minutes Shownu arrived, telling Kyunine that Jooheon is still working, but he will go home as soon as he finished his work, the leader tried his hard to let Changkyun release IU to his embrace but failed, the soloist assured him that she is okay, its no big deal. Changkyun fell asleep, and Shownu tries his best to carry the youngest and tuck him to Jooheon's room and texted the other rapper what happened. 

"What happened, IU" Kihyun asked her, but she refuse to tell him what had happened "It was not my position to tell what you happened, knowing Changkyun's condition, but I might give you a hint, talk to your fucking girlfriend". Shownu oppa, I'm leaving please look after him okay? Hyungwon is on his way here.

When Jooheon arrived he go straight to his room and hugs his baby rapper, he looks so peaceful in his sleep, he hugs back his hyung and smiles. 

It was 3 AM when Jooheon noticed the cold side of his bed, Changkyun was not there, he looked for him in his room but he is not there, he wake up Shownu telling him that Changkyun is missing, they tried to call his phone but it was off. 

At the kitchen they found a note, no one is brave enough to open it, so Hyungwon took a all his courage to read it, and then he dropped himself saying "He left us" and cried. 

To my hyungs, 

Don't look for me, I'm tired there's a voice in my head, I want it to stop. 

Honey hyung, I'm sorry I love you, you are the best hyung, the moment I have with you are the best, those heart to heart talk, late night grind, all of them made me happy hyung, thank you for trying to save me, I already paid the house in Jeju go find a girl and married her, I want you to continue your life, if you will have a kids name them after me if she is a girl call her Daniella, if he's a boy Daniel. I'm sorry again for not keeping m,y promise. I love you. 

Hyungwon hyung, just date noona, she loves you and please take care of her she precious to me, I brought her a new purple mic please give it to her it was on my closet, I love hyung, thank you for being my driver. I will not give you any names for your child because noona already have some. 

Minhyuk hyung, my sunshine, thank you for telling me how lovely I am, for buying me anything I want, I;m sorry if I always asked you to do things for me, I love you. 

Wonho hyung, I'm sorry I took your protein bar, I'm happy that you are doing your own music now, your a great producer, I'm proud of you. I love you. 

Shownu hyung, thank you for carrying me all the time, I know your back hurts but you never complaint, you endured so much for me, I'm really thankful that you are the leader of Monsta X. 

Kihyun hyung, I know you will never love me the way I want you to, but that's okay. I love you and thank you giving me a chance to love you. 

Please know that I love you all, take care of my parents, tell my dad to retire and look after my mom, gets a cat, no dogs allowed I am their only pup. 

\- CK 

They immediately call Changkyun's parent and their manager, Shownu explained what happened, Changkyun's mom was crying "Honey.. I can't lose my only son, please find him". Their agency contact the police station and asked help to find Chnagkyun, the operation is considered secret to the media, to avoid further complications. 

Its been 24 hours and still no Changkyun found, they even look for hospital and morgue but no luck, they track his recordin all airports and shipping ports but no luck, check his credit card but still no signs of Changkyun. They are now tracing all CCTV within the area, they stating to lose their hope, until one policeman found him. Hotel Six, he went there 4 hours ago. 

They went straight to the said hotel and the authorities forcefully opened the door he rented, what they is a nightmare, Changkyun is lying on the floor, full of blood, cold and almost lifeless. "My son" Dr. Im rans to his pup, check his pulse, and prays please son, don't leave your old man, he put a pressure on the his wounds trying to stop the bleeding "Get a fucking ambulance" he shouted. 

He was rushed straight to operating room, the doctors is trying to fix him, blood transfusion machine is hooked in his left arms, his parents and members were outside praying for a miracle. 

After 2 hours, the surgeon went outside, "I tried my best, Dr. Im, when you rushed him he is almost dead, his heart stop beating, we fixed his wounds, blood transfusions is still on, we manage to get his heartbeat again, but no brain activity, I'm so sorry Dr. Im but your son is in coma" after that the doctor bowed and left. 

"I'm not losing my son" he said and cried.


End file.
